Guard Your Heart

I hate seeing us girls getting taken advantage of and settling for less than we deserve, especially when it comes to relationships. Too often have I witnessed friends and other women in my life endure one heartache after another. While you may already be thinking this post is one that is
gunning for every man out there, you're far from right. If anything, my issue is with us ladies...yep girls, I'm talkin' to ya'll. lol

Of course, there's those unforeseen situations you didn't see coming. However, I think that sometimes, a lot of the hurt and disappointment many of us have experienced is our own fault, if we were real.

Being a young woman in today's culture is hard! There are pressures all around us to fulfill an endless list of unrealistic standards, all in effort to gain the attention of guys. And sadly, we believe the lies that our worth is wrapped up in our bodies--in how good we are in bed instead of how beautiful our character is. Rather than being women who are wooed by a cute face, muscles, fancy cars and cash, we ought to desire men of substance. But to even attract that, we first have to be that. I'd love to say that all chicks are smart enough to know this; and though we are, we often end up being guided by what our hearts desire and what the world tells us we need to have and be
rather than what our Heavenly Father has for us.

It wasn't until I became a Christian that I realized "follow your heart" is the worst possible advice
to give to someone, especially one who longs to be someone's boyfriend/girlfriend--and eventually, husband/wife.

"The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve." - Jeremiah 17:9-10 (NLT)

Our hearts can actually cause us to do more harm than good when they're not in line with God's heart (Matthew15:18-20). While the desire to be in a relationship isn't wrong, at times it's our motives that get us in trouble. If you desire to be in a relationship, I challenge you to take a good look at yourself first! Proverbs 4:23 says to "guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." Get real with yourself and answer these questions below to help you
navigate through your singleness:

1. What's your motive? Why do you want to be in a relationship?

If you think being in a relationship is all you need to be happy or complete, girl, you're mistaken. A lot of us don't want to admit that's what we're seeking, but a lot of the time, it is true. Even if you were to find the "perfect" guy, he'd still fail you because he's human. We were created to love and be loved, but often miss that it all starts with God--who IS perfect & IS love. It's in Him that we will find our identity, our ultimate satisfaction and our purpose, not being in a relationship.

Also, everything we do needs to have purpose. Nothing that we do should lack meaning, and that includes our relationships. We shouldn't just be aimlessly dating, giving ourselves away to one guy after another, while trying to figure out who's "the one" along the way. It is then that we end up bitter, broken and having wasted a whole lot of time because we allowed men access to our hearts who didn't care or weren't ever meant to handle them. But ultimately, if marriage isn't the goal of a relationship, then I must ask, what's the point?

2. What are your standards?

I'm not talking about that impossible checklist in the back of your mind that lays out your ideal man. While finally finding that 6'2 1/2" hazel-eyed, chiseled-chested, hipster-clothed, Lambo-driving businessman who makes 7 figures would be a miracle in itself, it would be even more crazy for a guy to place those same expectations on you. A lot of the time, we want guys to jump through hoops, but fail to take a look at ourselves. What would a guy have to gain in even being in a relationship with you? And if your body is all you've got to offer, what makes you any different than the countless other women who only find their worth between their legs?
This may sound harsh, but it's the reality of the world we live in.

Make standards for yourself! Allow God to shape you into the woman He's designed you to be. Set goals and use your time of singleness to accomplish them. Even being married, I'm challenging myself to do this instead of nagging and pointing out every flaw within my husband. So let's grow in our relationship with Jesus, take a cooking class, get in shape, finish school, help our community, serve our local church, mentor young girls; girl, DO SOMETHING! You don't have to wait until you're married to be a Proverbs 31 woman; strive to be one now! And whether God desires for you to be married or not, none of the time you've spent will go to waste because you're developing character &
a lifestyle that pleases God.

3. What are your boundaries?

This is an area that was hard for my husband and I when we were dating. If you're a virgin or have already crossed that bridge, we all know our limits. But when we fail to be honest with ourselves about them, we end up in compromising situations. Before a guy even steps to you, you ought to have boundaries for yourself. If he's unwilling to respect them, he doesn't respect you and doesn't deserve your time. If you know that kissing or even holding hands can get you in the mood, don't do it. Go out with a group of friends instead of allowing yourself to be alone with a guy. You can even set a curfew for talking on the phone. These measures aren't extreme, but are smart and can save you from a lot of dumb decisions. lol. Your goal should be to maintain your purity, not only of your body, but also your heart and mind. But it takes disciplining yourself to keep it.

4. Will you wait for God?

One of the most difficult parts of being single is...being single. lol. But the reality is, no one ever has or ever will benefit from trying to move ahead of God. Daydreaming about your future husband, pinning everything you want in your wedding and coming up with cute baby names won't land you in a relationship sooner. There's so much more to life than waiting for someone to put a ring on it. Trust that He's working on your man, and in the meantime, let Him get to work on you.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic of guarding your heart! So feel free to leave a comment below, or hit me up on Instagram!